my hips are apparently über flexible

my day was lame. the highlight was the bus as usual... very quiet and i can just stare out the window and day dream. soak up the days events and thoughts into a temporary reality in my head. i have a little movie player in my head. people think its the same as mine but im not so sure. i literally play back over and over a movie in my head. so detailed... i see everything i want to see. i can create exactly what i want in my movies and i can control people like puppets. marionette puppets. like in the sound of music. i create stories in my head before i fall asleep. i make dreams before i seriously fall asleep. i dream up exactly what i want in life and i can get it. usually they consist of stupid things like falling in mad love with someone i know i'll never have. or telling someone off, or going far away. like i said stupid. its stupid to dream because when you wake up like hits you like a fist in the nose and you sit there wiping the blood away sobbing that life isnt fair.

that was incredibly depressing. sorry not in the mood for optimism.

im tired of pessimism too... would that make me a hypocrite? everything i live around is pessimistic and nasty and mean. but i love the people just i wish i was surrounded by a moderate amount of optimism. i suppose its not my fault that im absorbing the radiation. everyone at school is negative too. 

"i hate this school i wanna go somewhere else" - my response for you... sorry your stuck here... i know you want to study other things better but thats what college is for hun... and yeah sometimes our school is full of testosterone fueled immature boys and rich snotty girls and the select nice people i try to associate with but thats not gonna change and you know it. its not gonna change that your stuck in a school that cant finish renovations but can supply us with plasma televisions that loop announcements no one reads. i am really truly sorry... this sounds sarcastic but its not really its just me being me.

"god i hate [him] hes so stupid" -my response for you... why yes he is stupid... but you flirt with him. a lot. and idk maybe you  dont mean to and im sorry but hes one of those testosterone-fueled immature boys i mentioned before and he will remain stupid till hes 21 at least. what can you do? nothing.

"your hat smells like cow s***" - my response for you... yes [he] does suck. dont talk to him you encourage the immaturity... you may be immature yourself but i like you. your funny immature. even though you do dumb things, i expect that from you... its you boy head. dont worry.

"i always have to do everything for you"- my response for you... yes mother. you still have to do things for me... im 15... i cant transport myself anywhere yet... i dont have a job and im still a kid. whether your in a bad mood or not, these things... they aint gonna change. i feel bad that i talk back to you but you dont listen. you contribute to the moodiness and the angriness and tenseness although daddy does a good job at making things tense. i love you dearly but you dont have a good ear for listening to me when i want you to... no matter how stupid the things that come out of my mouth are. im still a kid and i still need your help. dont just drop me. i cant do it all myself.

"my whole body is sore"- my response to you... i feel sympathy towards you. but you realize that the stress put on your body is all put on by you. you dance basically 5 days a week... im guessing. i mean i dance once a week and i feel aches a pains. so i feel your pain but remember one thing... you choose to do it.

Ok so basically i just ranted. im sorry if one of these quotes was you... although i only know of 2 maybe 3 people who read this blog that know me very personally and nothing they said bothered me or made me think so i believe im in the clear.

this guy on Grey's was out cold during surgery or surgery prep and he just woke up screaming... if that ever happened to me all hell would break lose.

thats probably it for tonight. im too lazy to do anything. dammit. why am i so lazy.

i went to dance tonight and my dance teacher is so great. dance is my outlet. this year i have been so happy to go to dance. and despite my knee problems i went tonight because i needed to dance. im not the best dancer but i love it for some reason. it just soothes my soul to gracefully move around the floor. today there were only 2 other girls there. i love when that happens cause she can tell me what im doing wrong and correct me and even if she told me i was wrong all class i would be happy, i like to know what im doing wrong. a while back i had a dance teacher who told me i was wrong a lot. and two girls who were my friends tried to convince me that i didnt like her, that it was wrong for her to correct me so much. they even tried to convince the studio owner to make the teacher teach us lyrical instead of ballet. that makes me furious to the day. they tried to control everything. but any who... my dance teacher told me i have super super flexible turn out and hips. i just have to tuck my pelvis and butt under and pull out from my muscles. then i'll be able to turn out straight. i was rather happy about that. im not the most flexible, i do however have flexible ankles and legs. but i cannot do a split or a heel stretch. enough of me. good night. again. you get another sticker for your forehead if you read all of this.