And I'm lost here among the clowns Jesus men in gowns All sandals and out of tune guitars And she talks in terrified tones Of skeleton bones Screaming

...through a mangled microphone. the title would not fit. The fratellis make me die. i love that song.
religion has been a really tough thing for me the past two years, i got confirmed and accepted everything church sent my way. i believed everything. but then something happened, idk a conversation or something sparked this questioning in me. i find myself questioning my religion. if i really believe in a invisible man watching us. its like santa claus... great and fun to believe in until you really think about it. i was talkign to a friend who lives in pennsylvania. shes and i been through rough times. but i still talk to her. we are so similar. we have the same mind set, but were different, anyways we just had this discussion about god. shes atheist, she doesnt just come out and say it ut she thinks religion is garbage and stuff. but we got talking about how it just seems like it all seems too good to be true. This holy book, the bible, wasnt written by god, but a couple men, thousands of years ago. what if they made it all up? and creation. that just happened in 7 days, god created the birds the fish animals trees etc. So what? Did the scientists plant some fake dinosaur bones and cavemen bones in the ground? Some conspiracy. And all the evolution theories... were they just made up too? do you catch what im saying? it all doesnt fit. i want to believe in something but christianity seems far fetched. does this make me agnostic/atheist? i dont even know. part of me cant flat out say im atheist. i still feel myself hanging on my a string. i need something, but not this. not a god who damns people to hell. innocent people for that matter. not a god who makes a mockery out of science. not a god who corrupts people into being perfect little people. not a lying god, who promises forgiveness, but makes you plead for mercy. no not the god for me. i need to find a higher entity who i can truely believe in. someone who wont make me feel so obligated to follow all these ancient rules. i really hope this doesnt offend people. this is the only place i can totally get this out. i need that. so PLEASE dont judge me or anything. im not judging other people for anything either. :\ im just confused.