"You are too anti-establishment"

yes. my mother told me that today. i laughed. its very true. "An anti-establishment view or belief is one which stands in opposition to the conventional social, political, and economic principles of a society." thats me. the weird one. the unconventional, random one. the "defined personality". The art freak. Eh whatever. it makes me, me.

My mom just slammed my guitar against the wall. Shes tired, and celebrated too much for a heritage she isnt. I hope there is a dent, my guitar is too perfect. And then i can tell her I told her so.

I need plans. and i really don't want to sell cookies tommorrow. i just want to crawl into a hole until people realise things arent right in my head.

i want the ideal life. White pickett fence, two children, a dog, a husband. I want to hold hands with him when I'm too old to do anything due to my arthritis. I want to sit on the front porch of our ranch in little rocking chairs and watch the sunsets together. I want a highschool sweetheart. I want us to fight, but always make up and truely truely love each other. I want all that ridiculous love. the cliched life.

It won't happen for me. Its too much.